BobBigMac

Sittin’ Pretty (or… I Suck at Design)

For the most part, I’ve always been an ‘if it works’ kinda guy; I never really paid that much attention to how pretty anything I ever made looked.

When I was a kid, my family taught me all the crafty basics… how to knit (and french-knit), to sew, papercraft & papier-maché, to carve wood, to do a whole bunch of that type of thing.

My LEGO and Meccano builds were more making, from crazy train stations, car ports, models, and other random builds all the way to ‘functioning’ helicopters (they didn’t fly, but everything else worked).

Then later in school I carried that on, At A-level I studied design & technology, and electronics (didn’t score that great, but I enjoyed it). My main hobby then was CB-Radio and I made various bits of gear for that, rig-holders, antenna stands/fixings and did my own repairs (I’m pretty handy with a soldering iron for an amateur).

And of course I’ve programmed since a very young age, from ‘peeking’ and ‘poking’ my way to a BASIC USS Enterprise flying around my C64 blue-screen to puzzles, adventure games, dictionaries and the like. Right through to my university dissertation project (a 3D file management UI) which worked really well, but looked rubbish.

The Revelation

It never really occurred to me that any of these things needed to actually ‘look nice’; if they worked, I was happy. If that meant my CB lived in a grey-metal box or my pencil-case had 2 zips because I sewed the first one to itself, than that was fine :)

Now I’m playing a different game of it. I’ve been building picWorkflow for almost a year now (and picNiche for just over 3) and I have been getting the same comment, more-or-less, for much of that time: “It works fine, but it looks so [bland/plain/boring/crap/etc]”. Well, I’m trying something new and spending some time making it look great.

I’ve already improved on my initial picNiche design by trading my professional coding skills with a professional designer for a nice logo and basic site layout which has me going in the right direction, and there’s a whole bunch of new design elements coming soon (planned by the end of august) in the site to start bringing it upto the expectations people have of the modern web.

The weird thing is, that after weeks or even months of focussing more on the ‘looks’ I’m finally starting to understand… Things that ‘look better’ may not actually ‘work better’, but it’s much easier to get others to try out the working parts if it really looks like it will work when they try it.

It’s really not enough to say “It works well… trust me” :)

50px (pixel) wide TweetButton image

I recently added a group of share buttons to a few of my sites (please go drop me a Like, +1, or tweet on picWorkflow.com if you have a second) and found that whilst most sites use 50 pixel wide images, Twitter’s share button is 55px wide.

I’m a bit of a neat-freak so this was unacceptable, but I do think their button looks pretty cool, so here’s their image, modified slightly to fit nicely in 50 pixels wide button. To use it (or to include it securely on your https page), you’ll need to roll your own TweetButton since both their javascript and iframe versions don’t let you customise the button image, but that’s not difficult.

World’s Number One!

If you say you’re the world’s number one/biggest/most popular/cheapest/oldest/newest/most original/only/most exclusive/fastest/hottest/coldest/massivest anything in the world/on the internet… it had better be hard-fact tack-sharp 100% true.

Because if you say it is, and ‘I’ KNOW it isn’t, I already think you’re an idiot and a liar… you’re unlikely to get any business from me.

Damn Maths

IM Conversation…

[Me]: too much wow
[Not me]: no wow is too much wow
[Me]: wouldn’t that essentially mean that an infinity of wow is not too much wow?
[Not me]: no it wouldnt
[Not me]: it would mean its infinity times too much wow
[Me]: not necessarily
[Me]: depend’s if you are using base>2 or boolean algebra ;)
[Not me]: god, im not having this geeky conversation :P
[Me]: I always use boolean algebra cos it’s much easier to win arguments with ;)

Moral of the story: You can win an argument, even when you’re wrong and lose one even when you’re right… Anyone with a wife or girlfriend is probably already aware of that ;)

Yet another x-men movie

I’ve never been much of a fan of this latest round of comic-book based movies. They usually can’t decide whether they want to be a special-effects masterpiece, or a meaningful canon-friendly artwork (like most of the comic series’).

Sadly this means they become neither, and end being a mildly entertaining but ultimately conventional bland mishmash of vaguely consistent tosh.

They’re all the same, whether its the man of steel, the boring four, the spandex clad web spinner or the giant with anger management issues.

Gimme American Splendor, The Walking Dead, or even a couple of the Batman movies and I’ll shutup, but marvel really need to stop letting hacks butcher some of their better works.

X-men retro whatever is more of the same, not the worst way to spend 2 hours, but not remotely a must-see.

We Don’t Believe Your Lies

We’ve all seen your lies… and we don’t believe them:

  • Retiring to spend more time with the family … means … Someone blackmailed you into resignation.
  • “I did NOT have sexual relations with ‘that’ woman” … means … “I DID have sexual relations with ‘that’ woman”.
  • “I am NOT a crook” … means … “I am most definitely a crook”.
  • I’ll call you … means … Don’t call me.
  • Leave it with me … means … Go away so I can forget about it.
  • We’ll sort something out … means … Hopefully, we’ll never speak again.
  • I acted only within the law … means … I knew it was morally wrong, but it was technically legal, so screw you.
  • I thought building my second home was a legitimate expense … means … It was at the time, but the media shows me now that it isn’t.
  • The cheque is in the mail … means … We’re trying to get the money together, but you’re pretty low on the list.
  • Our community-enrichment programme is setting new standards of corporate responsibility … means … twice a year we force all our underlings to pay some of their wages to charity / maintain an allotment / volunteer in an ‘urban’ area.
  • Our green operations policy puts us ahead of all our competition … means … We pollute just as much as our competitors, but we lease some rainforest in paraguay to ‘offset’ our emissions.
  • I regret the situation and will institute appropriate processes to ensure such issues don’t occur in future … means … I’m sorry I got caught, and will make sure I am not caught again.
  • We believe in a healthy work-life balance … means … “90% Work + 10% Sleep” and we’re working on the sleep part now.
  • We need to tweak our unsustainable business model … means … Our overlords demand we squeeze our supply line for more money so they can buy more $10,000,000 New York apartments.

Next time you begin to lie… remember that people have heard ALL the lies before. Give it up and tell the truth, and you’ll be appreciated all the more for it.

Gossip is a Virus

A few simple rules of life:

  • Politicians lie.
  • Footballers sleep around.
  • Musicians take drugs.

People seem to be surprised enough however when any of these things happen, that they rush out and buy more newspapers (or watch the news, etc etc). This gives the ‘media’ a legitimate reason to focus on such bullshit subjects… money!

These people then of course discuss the matter with others, and a buzz develops; further promoting the spread of the story. If you don’t know what’s going on, you’re just not interesting enough, so more and more people follow the story.

Not only that, but even those people who are not interested in the gossip itself still find some sense of self-satisfaction in belittling and condemning the people who are interested in such garbage. This leads to them also discussing the story/subject, and further promoting the ‘distractionary’ matter, all under the guise of ‘not discussing it’.

For the most part, it’s my own view that the media is there to promote itself above all else. The magazine/newspaper/editorial/news-programme which get’s the juiciest gossip, get’s the larger circulation and subsequently more money.

Soooo… apart from this blog post, which obviously flys in the face of my next statement, I will not participate in such discussions, and I suggest (if you want to see the gossip epidemic come to an end) that you don’t discuss the gossip, or the media’s proliferation of said gossip at all, with anyone, ever.

Please… Let this bullshit die, after the short and vapuous existence it actually deserves. Eventually, it will vanish and maybe we can finally get down to matters… that matter.

Training Day

I’ve never been one to really benefit from ‘guided learning’. It’s just not really the kind of teaching that can keep me engaged and inspired.

In school I wasn’t focussed, so managed fair-to-middling results… the same in university; I always had more fun (and so learned more) with projects I could run with on my own, make my own mistakes, and not get stuck in a laborious step-by-step progression.

I’d guess that a lot of the people I know are just the same, they are smart (very much so in some cases). Sadly, oftentimes the people in society who are seen to have succeeded in the common-everyday are conventional thinkers, are happy to comply and conform, to besheep themselves and do only what everyone else is doing.

I always found that those people who have truly the most interesting lives are those who excel in qualities such as resourcefulness, quick-thinking, creative-processing and lateral thought; those people make the world a much more interesting place to be than all the lawyers, bankers and doctors in the universe :)

Often I’m likely to say of people who possess qualities I do not, that I envy them. In this case however I do not… I’m delighted to be an outside-the-box thinker, and despite the occasional challenges of conforming with conventional society, it’s by far a more interesting life to lead :)

Stop Nagging Me!

I don’t want the ad-sponsored local free-paper shoved through my door 3 times a week.

I’m content with my mobile phone provider.

I don’t want to ‘upgrade to gold’… ever.

I’m happy with my current faith. (Agnostic if you must know)

I don’t want ‘rock-hard’ abs… a wee bit flabby is fine by me.

You can’t have my spare change (I usually don’t have any anyway, stop taking crack and get a job or start a business).

I don’t give to charity-muggers, even if they’re hot (though I did once (she was REALLY hot and it cost me over £800).

I’m fine with my choice of electricity/gas company.

I won’t vote for you. Partly because you interrupted my day, partly because politicans are all lying bastards.

I don’t want to install the latest updates.

I won’t buy your ebook if I can’t read your site because of these popups.

No thanks, don’t need viagra (yet).

My home insurance is good enough.

I am happy with my bank and I don’t need a loan (yet).

Extended warranties are for suckers.

I am the ONLY person ever to use my computer and it’s inside my locked house, I don’t want to enter my password 3000 times a day.

Hi hotgirlbot_362436_1984, nice to meet you… no I will NOT add you on Skype/Msn. Go [blo]ck yourself!

I don’t care if a script is taking long to run than expected, you are my web browser, deal with it yourself.

If I wanted fries with that… I’d have asked for fries. Wouldn’t I?!?

No… I come in here every other day for 7 years and I NEVER want cake/pastry with my coffee. Stop asking. (Mainly because £2.90 for a croissant is robbery).

I will not follow you on twitter/facebook/tumblr if you ASK me to. Especially if you DM me (instablock) and don’t know me.

I do NOT want to restart my computer. Preferably ever. Especially NOW!

Come summer, I impatiently wait for the rains.
Come winter, I patiently fear the coming sun.
Spring and Autumn I content…
as wind buffets the window panes.
and it rains, it rains.
It rains…

Come summer, I impatiently wait for the rains.

Come winter, I patiently fear the coming sun.

Spring and Autumn I content…

as wind buffets the window panes.

and it rains, it rains.

It rains…